Birdie in Wonderland
by Awesome Empress
Summary: Normally I would of ran after the handsome white rabbit but..."Hey! Where are you going! You're suppose to chase the awesome me!" "No way! You're too grabby!" "But I'm the White Rabbit!" "Don't care, hoser!" Where the maple am I? In fact who am I? And why am I getting chased by the White Rabbit who is so sexy?...Wait...that came out wrong...Maple.
1. Tweedle Twins & The lonely Charpentar

**A**nother story! HUZZAH (/OAO)/ **WARNING: This is similiar to Alice and Wonderland, but it's my version and that itself is a warning. Because I wrote it there will be situations where vital regions are explored or either seized. Read at your own risk!**

By the way, the diaoluge between the twins might be a little confusing so follow this rhythm, Feliciano then Romano. Just in case you forget, Romano will always have a bad word or two in his sentence. Enjoy~

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"Ve! Who is he?"

I heard people talking but I couldn't see. They sounded awfully familiar too.

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Ve! Maybe he knows how to cook pasta!"

"Feli, we don't know jack-shit about this dude except that he's a cross-dresser."

Crossdresser? Who were they talking about?

"Ve! Fratello! Look! He's waking up!"

I slid open my eyes and sat up. Where was I? And how did I get here? And who were these guys? They seemed to be twins though they looked like opposites. One had a smile, and the other one had a scowl.

"About fucking time! We've been waiting here for hours for your lazy-ass to get up!"

"Ve~Fratello we just found him 5 minutes ago..."

"Shut up! That was a long 5 minutes ago! I could of been sleeping these 5 minutes!"

"Um...May I ask who you two are?"

"No you may not!" Well, the one with a scowl didn't seem to friendly.

"Ve! Fratello! Don't be so mean! Anyways I am Tweedle-Dee and my big brother over here is Tweedle-Dumb!"

"Oh, well I am-" I was rudely interrupted by 'Tweedle-Dumb'.

"The Fuck? I am Tweedle-Dee! You are Tweedle-Dumb!" I turned to look at Tweedle-Dee who was red in the face from shouting at Tweedle-Dumb.

"Ve~I don't want to be Tweedle-Dumb though!"

"Well too fucking bad!"

"Um...Excuse..m-"

"Hmm?" They both questioned simultaneously.

"Do you know where this is?"

"Ve~Where as in this?" I think it was... Tweedle-Dumb asked. That made no sense!

"Where as in where am I?" I answered trying to clear up his confusion.

"Well your in the place that you started, dumbass!" Now Tweedle-Dee answered, looking quite confident about his answer.

"Yes, but I don't-"

"Ve~ Unless the place you think you started isn't actually the place that you started in?" Tweedle-Dumb's answer only confused me futher.

"If you don't know the place that you started in, then wouldn't it make more fucking sense to find out where the place you started in is?"

"W-wait, I'm feeling dizzy..." These two were making no sense! All that these two were doing, was confusing me!

"Ve! I have an idea! Why don't we tell you a story! Yes Fratello! A story we shall tell."

Tweedle-Dee's amber eyes sparkled with interest, "Which story should we tell, all my stories are the fucking best."

"Ve~How about _that _one?"

"_That_ one?" Tweedle-Dumb nodded enthusiastically. Watching the two peculiar twin's exchange with in interest, I finally decided to speak.

"Which one?"

"Ve! The Carpenter and the Walrus!"

"The who and the what?" I asked, I had never heard a story by the name of that.

"Are you fucking deaf? Damn cross-dresser! The Carpenter and the Walrus!" Even though his words were harsh, Tweedle-Dee didn't seem to mean it, wait...cross-dresser?

"Who are you calling a cross-dresser!" I shouted but my voice came out in a whisper.

"Ve~ It's okay if you like to dress pretty! Sometimes we do too!"

"No we don't damnit! And have you seen what you're fucking wearing?" True to his word, when I looked down...Mother of God! I was wearing a dress! And though I'd rather die than admit it...I looked good in it.

"Ve! Let's get on with the story!"

"Don't fucking rush me!"

"Ve! Once upon a time, where the moon and the sun met," Tweedle-Dumb started.

"There were two fucking bastardos who fished in the ocean." Tweedle-Dee finished.

"And one day when the Carpenter."

"Who was a damn Russian."

"Went down to fish for the Walrus."

"Who was a damn Belarusian."

"He caught a huge oyster and inside it."

"There was a fucking Chinese man."

"The Carpentar didn't want to give him up."

"So being the greedy bastardo that he was."

"He hid his precious mermaid in his shed."

"Convinced that it was damn fate who brought the fucking mermaid to him."

"He told the Walrus to stay out and to stay away."

"This just made the Walrus fucking nosy and curious."

"She secretly loved the Carpenter."

"So being the conceited bitch she was."

"She was convinced it was a surprise meant just for her."

"So one day she ignored her bastardo of a brother's warning and went into the shed."

"There she saw the beautiful mermaid."

"But the only thing she fucking saw."

"Was a a beautiful dish set out by her beloved."

"But that's not the damn ending, the bitch."

"Gobbled up the pretty thing."

"So the Carpentar went bat-shit crazy."

"Legend says that the when."

"The crazy bastardo sees a beautiful thing."

"He will keep it to himself for eternity."

The twins came together and joined hands, bowing. I clapped excitedly, it really was a good story.

"Fuck, we have to go Feli!"

"Ve! I almost forgot!"

There hands still joined they ran off into the woods. Before they were completely out of sight, they gave me a backwards glance and warned me.

"Beware of the Carpentar!"

Confused and a bit shaky, I called back, "Wasn't it just a story?"

Only the wind answered my call. Suddenly I realized I was in the middle of the forest, alone. It seems like the sun just vanished. To break the silence I started speaking to myself.

"Those two! They just created that so called 'legend' to frighten me! Gahh! How do girls prance around in these things!" I complained as my dress got tangled in a bunch of low branches.

"Well it seems like it was bright and sunny moments ago, now it's as dark as night!" Suddenly a cold gust of wind passed through me and I was frozen on the spot. A shiver racked my body as I struggle to calm my erratic heartbeat. Why am I so scared all of a sudden?

"W-who's there?" I called out and cursed my frail voice. "I have a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it!" I threatened, sliding my hand into my pocket-Oh would you look at that! My dress had pockets!- and pretended to grasp my so called 'weapon'.

Finally I heard a sound, well it was more like...*gulp*...laughter..."**Kolkolkolkolkol**..." The mysterious man cackled, succeeding in scaring the living day lights out of me! Haha, get it? Because it was dark?...Never mind...

The man got closer and closer and closer until our chests were almost touching. He had empty purple eyes, and a sad smile. "My pretty mermaid is no more. You are pretty, will you be my mermaid? If only just for a while?"

It almost broke my heart how distraught he sounded. Like his whole world had been taken away from him. He looked like a lonely child just asking for a playmate. Oh, how I wanted to say yes...but...As they say looks can be deceiving...Oh maple! If I survived the Tweedle twins, than I should be able to survive this man.

What was the worst he could do?

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If you didn't understand don't worry about it, that was kinda of the point :) Review and tell me what you think!


	2. Horny Rabbit & Naughty Cat

"Sure, but only for a little while. Then I must be on my way alright?" I told the Carpentar and his whole face lit up. Like a child who just discovered a bundle of Christmas presents under the tree and they were all meant for him. With a bright smile, he held my hand.

"First we must tell each other names." The Russian instructed me, "Then we play, da? I am Ivan the Carpentar."

"Okay, My name is..." What was my name? In fact who was I? "...um...how about you give me a name? Sound good?"

He angled his head slightly to the right and a questioning glance was thrown my way. "You don't know your name?" I flushed, how embarrasingly true. "Anyways what game are we going to play?"

He smiled and looked at me funny. I heard rustling in the bushes behind me. Curious, I turned my back on Ivan to take a look. Big mistake. While my back was turned, he wrapped his arms around my waist as his hand went...south...

"Ah! W-what are you d-doing Ivan?" I asked, hating the fact I stuttered. But what do you expect when a man you just met is suddenly trying to grope you? I'm certain your not going to look at him in the face and calmly say 'Whoa dude, friend, bro, broski...The hell you think ya doing?' Yupp, I think NOT!

"I am playing game, da? My little mermaid and I always played this when I went to visit him in shed." He got a distant look in his eye, and while he was out of it, I elbowed him in the gut. Momentarily distracted, I escaped his grasp and started running like hell. Thinking 'maplemaplemaple!'. (It's my way of cussing, just to let you know.)

Of course I didn't have luck on my side because during my inner rant I tripped over the air and fell flat on my face. I was able to roll onto my back before Ivan descended upon me once again. Licking and biting my neck, I felt a blush take over my cheeks. This man was doing funny things to me!

"W-wait, Ivan I don't want to do this!" I didn't really know what this is so I just knew it was wrong. Oh lord please help me! He was trailing his hand on the outside of my thigh, caressing it gently. Then **BAM**!

Without warning he lifted my dress up until it was up around my neck, so I did the most unmanliest thing I think I've ever done, (Because I don't remember anything.) and screamed.

Guess that must have been the right thing to do because a white blur barreled right into Ivan. The force of the impact sending him flying away. Hurriedly I folded my dress down, thankful I had undergarments. Yes, they were lady undergarments but well...it was something.

No sooner had I done that, I was promptly picked up and hauled over another man's shoulder, then we were off. I'm guessing he was running but there was no way a human being was able to run _this _fast. The scenery passed us by in blurs of purple, blue, green, and pink. How strange, very strange. But seeing as we were going about 90 miles per hour, I started feeling nauseous. Meaning I was going to hurl, and hurl CHUNKS if we didn't stop soon.

Pressing my hand to my mouth to make sure nothing slipped out, I began pounding of this strangers back. When that didn't work I reached up to yank on his hair. To my dismay, he just swatted my hand away. Frustrated, I angrily sqeezed a little ball of cotton that was located on his tailcoat. I later found out that it was his tail.

I heard a groan and suddenly, all was still as my feet touched the ground once again. Yet, I was still dizzy so I gracefully fell on my butt. I looked up and noticed that this was indeed not a human being. He had white bunny ears to match his hair and red eyes like that of said furry creature. This man/rabbit was very attractive and he was wearing a butler outfit. The nicely pressed black pants and tailcoat contrasted nicely with his hair or fur. Whatever you want to call it.

"What the hell! I can't believe I'm saying this, but there is no time for inappropriate touching! The awesome me is gonna be late!" Taking out a pocket watch for added affect. "See how late it's gotten! We need to get moving! I'll let you ride me!" My face turned pink because of this strangers choice of vocabulary.

"No way! I appreciate you saving me from the Carpentar, but I don't know you so..."I trailed off. Well that was very convincing wasn't it?

"We don't have time for this! Just hold still and stop being difficult!" He made a moved to grab me so in an attempt to escape I started moving back. He didn't anticipate the movement so he took a leap. His goal was to tackle me but I wasn't giving up without a fight!

So I did the best thing next to fighting, I turned tail and ran. Ran as fast as I could, knowing I wouldn't get very far. True to my thoughts the rabbit...thingy...caught me, and we both tumbled down to the ground. And I found my self on the ground with this attractive strangers face in between my legs. _Wonderful._

I squirmed in his hold, hating the fact that he had a bigger build than me. I stiffened suddenly when he began to _nuzzle_ my erm...'vital regions.'

"Damn Birdie! I forgot how awesome your scent is!" What the maple? Who's Birdie? Suddenly, I found myself on the ground with my dress being lifted up, and a gloved hand slipping my underwear down my thighs. With all the strength I could muster, I held onto the underwear as if my life depended on it. Well my life didn't but my virginity did.

"Let it go!" The Rabbit growled, which was ironic since he _suppose_ to be a tiny furry creature.

"No!" I declared as I pouted at him, glaring through my puffed up cheeks. That got him to momentarily freeze. Thank God, I think my underwear is on the verge of ripping. When I looked up to the Rabbit, I saw that his cheeks were now as equally flushed as mine.

And without any warning I found found his lips on my own, moving and twisting, and trying to pry my mouth open with his tongue. Dear Lord, this was turning me on! I couldn't help but pant as my own lust started to take over my rational mind. Which by the way, was screaming at me:

_Don't sleep with the Rabbit! Have you gone mad?! You're going to let a stranger take your precious innocence? I think not, eh!_

With one last burst of strength, I was able to push the horny hoser off my person. We both stared at each other, panting like wild dogs in heat. I began to panic as he made a move to advance toward me, but a deep chuckle made us both freeze.

Suddenly a tail sprouted out from thin air, from the brach of the tree I was backed up against. It disappeared only to reappear before me. The tail led to a man's body tha-OH MY MAPLE HE'S NAKED! I quickly snapped my eyes shut, but a hand that ghosted over my cheek made them widen in alarm.

The man in front of me was indeed naked except for a flower that kept his unmentionables hidden. He was pretty built, as tall as the Rabbit, had shoulder-length blonde hair almost like my own, and a slight stubble on his chin. His eyes were sky blue, glowing with mirth as he stood before me, and a large grin was plastered onto his lightly tanned face. So yes, in simpler words this man was beautiful.

He shot a smirk at the Rabbit, who was currently glaring at him, and gave a wink at me.

"Seducing _mon petite_ Birdie, are we? Mind if I join in?" The Rabbit hopped up and stomped over to the cat-thingy-guy. And started shouting at him, his face ablaze with anger.

How adorable.

What? W-What? **What.** Did I seriously just think that? No way, it must be the confusion of not knowing who I am because that is perfectly normal. Could I possibly be this 'Birdie' these people keep calling me? Again in my confusion I forgot about the situation that was going on right in front of me. So it came as quite a shock to me when I saw the cat and the Rabbit on the floor wrestling.

"What the maple are you two doing?!"

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Geez, I am so sorry. It took so damn long for this to finally be created, but now that it's here you better damn well enjoy it, cuz I worked very hard on it! Even though it's shit...( TT .TT )

So there are going to be a bit of couples but they're not really important. They're just there becuz I love them to death! X3 Anyways, in case you didn't know the Chesire cat suppose to be Francis.

A big thank you to all of you who reviewed! I love you for that even though I don't know you! This chapter was for you! And I promise that the third chapter will be out faster than this! :D

-Awesome Empress


	3. Caterpillar & his Shrooms

I sighed for what must have been the hundreth time as I glared at the two animal men wrestling on the ground. What the maple do they think they're doing? I am not some prize you can win by fighting! Stupid hosers...

_Than get your Canadian ass moving, eh!_

Geez, this voice inside my head is going to drive me mad like the rest of these people! Begrudgingly I got up, making sure to adjust my lady underwear. Poor thing was on the verge of ripping. Stupid hands trying to take them off! What am I, free? Cause I'm not!

_You got to buy me dinner first, eh!_

Shaking my head for talking to myself or rather my 'conscious', I gave out one last yell at the two overgrown children still in the middle of their little war over me.

"Oh, don't mind me! I'll just be on my way! Out into the cold and lonely world where I can get raped!"

As expected they didn't hear me, or maybe they just ignored me? Who cares anymore? I turned my back on them and looked around at the scenery. There was tall grass that I could barely see over on my tip-toes, and pink smoke coming out from somewhere in the middle of it. My curiosity taking hold of me again, I glanced back. They wouldn't be finishing up anytime soon...

_Why do you even want their attention? You don't need them, go!_

My resolve hardened, I ran into the grass. As I rushed straight ahead, I couldn't help but wonder why the grass was so soft. I'm pretty sure it shouldn't be. Oh well, better for me! In the distance I heard a loud gasp,

"Oi, where did mein Birdie go?!"

"Mon dieu! You stupid overgrown rabbit! You made me lose my prey!"

"Shut up you pussycat! We have to find him before that damn Carpentar does! Hurry!"

I ran faster, adrenaline seeping into my veins. I've never felt so free, yet so close to confinement! I loved it! Soon enough I found myself in another clearing full of what seemed to be mushrooms. There, on the tallest of them all was a dark skinned man wearing a weird get up. Sort of like a skirt thing on his lower body that made his legs merge together. Weird.

"Hey you! Who are you? Let me take a look at you!"

The man with dark, long hair had a booming voice with a weird accent, and out of fear I took a hesitant step back. I didn't know this man very well, but for some reason I didn't like him.

"Well, are you deaf? I said get up here!"

His commanding tone held no room for agruement and so I just began climbing up the mushrooms. By the time I leaped onto the last one, I was a panting wreck. Maple, I need to work out more...

The man blew out pink smoke from a long pipe that connected to large vile filled with a blue chemical. He seemed to be enjoying it very much, I myself wanted to try it, that was until his gaze landed on me. His happy gaze turned into a furious glare and he sat up straight.

"Ack! What do **YOU** want! Stupid guard dog! Scram before I knock you upside the head! I told you and that prissy little Queen that I'm not giving you a bit of my shrooms!"

He looked about ready to kill me until he tilted his head in confusion. He reached towards me and roughly patted my head, searching for something.

"What the...where are your ears _cabron_*?"

I had not the slightest clue of what he was talking about. I never had ears, did I? What if by some freak accident I lost my 'dog ears' and was left earless! Panic rose but then I remembered, I have ears. Human ears that were perfect. I just don't get that one word he said at the end, but that's just a personal problem.

When he kept patting my head and his eyes lost that hatred, I calmed down enough to close my eyes. Again big mistake.

"Aye, what about your tail?"

And my dress was up again! Geez, I feel so cheap. But I'll feel pity for myself later, this guys going for my underwear and with those tan muscles, he'd rip it with ease! Finally finding my voice, I reached up and grabbed his hand before it got to close to my garments.

"W-wait! I'm not who you think I am!" I stuttered out. Man, this guy was intimidating! He stared on unconvinced and I wracked my brain trying to think of something to say. The situations I put myself though, seriously!

He sat back and took hold of his smoke pipe again. Blowing out a puff of pink fumes, he peered at me through accusing brown eyes.

"Who are you then?"

"I...uh...I'll have to get back to you on that one."

Rubbing the back of my head sheepishly, I watched as the man took another puff.

"Who are you?" The worm like man puffed out an **O**, then a **R**, and finally a **U**, at me making my choke on the rather strong chemical. Coughing violently, I frantically waved around trying to dissolve the cloud of pink around me.

"I..ugh..don't know!"

No sooner had I said that, the man launched himself on me, pinning me down with his body. His body felt rubbery and I concluded that he was indeed some type of worm. I had no time to ponder further as he began to assault me with a barrage of that strong vapor he was smoking.

**"Who. Are. You?!"**

Terrified I gave the only answer my panicked mind could think of,

"Birdie! I'm Birdie!"

In an instant, the weight was gone and I was hauled upright, into a warm embrace. As quickly as I was hugged I was let go.

"Birdie! Sorry that I mistook you for that bastard guard dog of the Queen's! It's good to see you, but you gotta take a bath. You stink of that albino Rabbit! Anyways, what brings you to my humble home _Socio_*?"

Not knowing what a _socio_ was I just nodded dumbly at everything he said, until a familiar loud voice met my -_normal_- ears. Peeking over the edge of the tall mushroom, I spotted the White Rabbit. He spotted me as well, because he began hopping and shouting up at me.

"Don't worry Birdie, I'll get ya down! Just stay still! I'm on my way!"

Turning over to the strange man who apparantly knew me, I rushed up to him, kneeled, and grasped the hand that was not busy holding his smoke pipe, pleadingly.

"Please, I have to get away from here! The White Rabbit's just down below! Can you help me?"

A light pink dusted his cheeks and he grinned widely at me, squeezing my hand before letting go. Reaching next to him on the large glass vile where the blue chemical was, he grasped a golden dial and twisted it. A strange hum emitted from the golden encrusted case, and slowly the blue chemical turned into a beautiful violet color.

"Of course, I am the Caterpillar! Here take a whiff of this, _mi belleza_*!"

His smooth smoke pipe was thrust rudely into my mouth, and I inhaled, thinking on a side note how unsanitary it was to be sharing a pipe. Once the chemical went down my throat though, I promptly spit it out and began coughing violently again, eyes misting over with tears. I didn't think it was **_that_** strong!

"Hehe, sorry _lindo_*! I forget how strong that stuff is for other people since I'm so use to it. Now hurry to the edge of the mushroom!" It seemed as if he stood because he easily towered over me. Though, I didn't get to think much about it, because I was gently pushed to the edge of the mushroom by big hands.

"Okay now, the fume you swallowed will only work for about 20 minutes, got it? You must be on the ground before time runs out understand?" Twisting me around so that I was staring up at him, eyes still teary, he began to unbutton the top of my dress. Sensing my panic, he gently shushed me,

"Shh, it's okay. If I don't do this, then you will not be able to escape okay?" I nodded, as I tried to focus on his silhouette. My head was spinning, and I felt giddy for some reason. My panic subsiding, and my double vision returning to normal, I was able to properly look into the Caterpillar's chocolate eyes and smile whole-heartedly.

"Thank you."

"Oi! You slimy worm! Get your hands off mein Birdie!"

"Go Birdie!"

So much happened in that single moment, it took a moment for my brain to comprehend that I was in the air and falling at a rapid rate to the ground below. The White Rabbit seemed to have finally caught up to me, so the Caterpillar threw me up and over the edge of the mushroom. I wasn't screaming for some strange reason, but I was scared out of my mind!

Looking down, I saw the Chesire Cat, hands up in the air as if to catch me. Raising my hands up to cover my eyes, I let the tinest of shrieks pass from my lips. From the top of the mushroom I heard the White Rabbit yell out in alarm,

"Birdie!"

I waited to either fall and become one with the ground or fall and land on the Chesire Cat, but neither came. Hesitantly, I removed one hand and then the other to find that I was floating in mid-air!

"Maple! I'm floating!"

There was a light flapping sound, and I turned back to see that I had sprouted butterfly wings! Beautiful large wings that were all sorts of different colors. That must have been from the mysterious purple chemical!

"You look beautiful Birdie! Now just head forward and you'll reach the Hatter's Grove. Hurry or else you'll be late and you know the Hatter doesn't like that!"

The Caterpillar shouted out to me, holding the struggling White Rabbit in a headlock. The albino was shouting out curses in a strange language, but the Caterpillar didn't seem to notice the furious expression he wore.

"Um, okay! Thank you very much!"

I waved goodbye to the Caterpillar and went on my way, noticing a certain perverted cat trying to look up my dress. Before I made too far though, I turned around a gave out one last shout,

"Before I go, what were all those strange names you were calling me? The ones in a different language?" I asked. It had been bugging me for a while, so I thought, eh, why not ask him and get it off my mind?

_Now you're starting to think like a true Canadain, eh!_

"Oh that." He gave me another big grin, eyes closed and shouted out, "I was complimenting your beauty!"

"WHAT?! NEIN, NEIN, NEIN! ONLY ZE AWESOME WHITE RABBIT CAN TALK LIKE THAT TO BIRDIE!"

I blushed and hurriedly flew away once I saw the White Rabbit break free from his captor. His face red with anger and jealousy he began to fight with the Caterpillar. Turning away from the scene, I shook my head in amusement. Seems like everyone is fighting for me today, eh?

_The White Rabbit really is cute!_

I flew for a while, until I felt myself getting heavier. Taking that as my cue to stop, I flew down to the ground, deciding it wouldn't be too much trouble to walk the rest of the way. No sooner had my feet touched the ground that I heard a POOF! and the wings were gone. Buttoning up my dress properly, I walked through the tall, yet soft grass once more.

"To the Hatter's Grove I go, eh!"

* * *

Well, not much to say. I broke my promise to you guys last time, so I have banned myself from making anymore! Long story short, I moved, had to go to the hospital, no internet. So here's the long awaited chapter even though it's shit I finished it! Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Mein - Mine  
Cabron - Bastard  
Socio - Good Friend/My Boy  
Mi Belleza - My Beautiful  
Lindo - Cutie  
Nein - No

Many words in different languages because fancy /shot

**Important!:**

By the way, it might seem weird that the Hetalia characters don't really match the Wonderland characters and there's a reason. I don't want this story to be like the rest with Spain as Chesire and England as Hatter, I want to mix it up! Dreadfully sorry if you do not like that, but I'm not changing it. The back button is on the top left corner over there if you can't handle it. Okay that's it! Thanks for those of you who read! :D


	4. Devious Plantlife & FEELS

"To the Hatter's Grove?" A voice purred.

I rolled my eyes at the Chesire Cat, I didn't need to see him to know he was following me. Hoser couldn't take the hint that I could get there on my own!

_We're Canadian, eh!_

"Why, yes. The Hatter's Grove is where I'm going. Is there anything wrong with that?"

He appeared on my shoulder, except as a furry cat. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, but my attention stayed on the tall jungle of flowers I found myself in. Some of them looked really scary...

I felt the perverted cat's head rub against my cheek affectionately, momentarily distracting me.

"No, no mon cher! That's purrrrrrrfect..."

I shivered involuntarily and kept walking, determined to ignore the furball currently imitating a motorboat. Further and further I walked into maze of flowers. As I went in deeper, the flowers seem to grow. Their long, beautiful petals hiding the sun and causing it to darken. Even Francis stopped purring madly as he sensed the shift in atmosphere.

"Birdie, I do not think this is the way to the Hatter's Grove."

"Eh? But I followed the Caterpillar's instructions!"

"Which were?"

"...Um, to go forward?"

Just as the words tumbled out of my mouth, I was yanked into the air by foot. Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited until I felt a familiar ticklish sensation against my chin. My eyes snapped open, and my hands automatically held my dress up, seeing as I was upside down in mid-air. I noticed the floor and my eyes bulged out of my head as I saw how far away the ground was.

"MAPLE!"

"Oh dear, none of that now!"

"What a loud, little thing!"

High-pitched murmurs whispered aimlessly about, but I couldn't see anything. Noticing the Chesire cat was gone from my shoulder, I looked around trying to find the little furball.

"W-who's there?"

"Why us!"

"Yes us indeed!"

"Now explain yourself, you little thing!"

Finally, the scenery began to shift and I thought I was lowered onto the ground. In reality though, it was the flowers that shifted. Bending down so that the colorful tops could be seen by me, I noticed something.

There were females on the tops of the bended flowers. And most importantly I noticed that they were naked! The only thing hiding their unmentionables from sight were the petals from the flowers.

A rather busty girl covered by the petals of the sunflower she was on, drew closer to me.

"Well, he certainly d-doesn't look like a f-flower."

Another girl, leaned in to examine me. She had long dark brown hair with a curl strand sticking out, similar to mine. The pink petals surrounding her matched the tiny flower in her hair.

"No, that much is obvious. He's no taller than a tower!"

My head swished back and forth between the two girls. One seemed on the verge of tears for some unknown reason, and the other held a curious but cautious gaze.

"Um...Can you put me down?"

Another flower shifted, this one blue, and popped up right in front of my face. The long petals were turned upwards, hiding the darker skinned girl perfectly. Thank the lord, I don't think they would find it very flattering if I suddenly became aroused...

"And why would we put you down? Stop being silly you clown!"

I sighed as I heard her voice. Not only was she denying my kind request, but she spoke in rhymes too. I already feel a pounding sort of ache forming in my head. I think that ache was the result of too much blood to the head though...

"Oh dear! He's turning as red as a rose!" The girl on the sunflower exclaimed suddenly, her hands cupping her face in surprise.

"Guess we better turn him upright before his eyes close!" Responded the dark skinned girl, an amused expression on her face.

I felt a slight hum of the vine as it acknowleged the unsaid request, shifting and turning so that once again my head was above my feet. I breathed a sigh of relief when I felt the world slowly stop spinning. I was positive that my face was in a full blush, not from embarrassment but from my earlier position because I heard a snicker near my ear.

"Chesire!" I whispered angrily, more flustered than anything. The sneaky cat wisely kept quiet after that, he must've thought I would reveal him.

"Well now that you're mind's clear, it's time to answer our questions!" Came the blue flower, seemingly the ring-leader. Finally able to take a good look around, I noticed many more flowers in the background, each holding a half-naked girl. Just my luck eh?

"W-what would you like to k-know?" I asked, still very aware of the vine latched onto my ankle. Best not to try these girl's patience.

"Well..." The blue flower girl trailed off, actually looking a little nervous. She looked questioningly at the other two girls near her. Both looked away, leaving the girl to blush and stutter.

"U-um...what type of flower are you?" Settling on what she had deemed an appropriate question, her confidence was restored enough that she was able to look into my eyes, a commanding aura around her. The two other girls snapped their heads back in my direction, interest peaked.

"Flower? I'm not a flower."

Multiple gasps went off after I finished my sentence, and I saw some flowers close their petals, hiding the girls inside. I began to sweat as many untrustful glares were thrown at me by the remaining blossoms. Trying to locate the cowardly cat, I began to squirm in the vine's hold.

"Then what _are_ you?" The girl with two pigtails said warily, her blue flower backing away slightly. I scrambled for an answer, surely if I lied they would call me out on it right away, and sure as maple didn't want to anger them. Who knows what they would do with these vines of theirs...

"I-I...well I'm-"

"Birdie!"

I looked down from the leaf I was on to see a speck of white down below. Astonished, I stared in awe at the White Rabbit as he tried to climb the stem to the plant I was on. Many girls had also heard the yell however, and they all looked too. Once seeing the Rabbit though, their looks turned from curiousity to disgust and panic.

"Don't you damn plants hurt Birdie you hear!"

At that command, the flower's expressions turned into nasty grins and scowls. One flower from the back emerged in front of me, anger apparent. She pointed a finger at me accusingly,

"You brought him here! You're a weed just like him!"

She tore her furious glare from me to the rest of the flowers, her finger now pointing at the White Rabbit as she shouted,

"He is a weed just like the Rabbit!"

With that, the vine once again humming, tightened around me and snatched me up, letting me dangle in mid-air once again.

"Hey leave him alone!" I heard the White Rabbit command, but it only served to further anger the pissed posies. The vine launched me in the air, and I fell into a clump of huddled little flowers.

"Eww! We don't want weeds in our flowerbeds!" They chanted simultaniously as yet another vine gripped my middle, throwing me to some other patch of flowers. And like that I was tossed back and forth, between the flowers as they cruelly laughed. Pieces of my dress began tearing off due to the vines rough handling. I heard the White Rabbit's screaming in the background, but couldn't make out any words.

I finally landed on the petals of another blossom when the vine failed to catch me while I was airborne. Instead of another plant attaching itself onto me, I felt hesitant hands gently help me up. I looked up through my tears and caught a glimpse of a concerned expression on the sunflower girl's face. The flower bent, allowing me on the ground.

When the blossom's support left me, my dizziness took its toll, and sent me tumbling into a nearby puddle. Another chorus of cackles and giggles started, and I felt something hard hit me on the head.

I scrambled onto my feet, soaking wet, and stained from mud. Leaning down, I retrieved the object that had been thrown at me. My glasses, now cracked and smeared with mud, sat crookedly on my nose, but I paid no attention. Humilation making me burn red, I stomped away from the still chortling plantlife.

Raising my arm to wipe away the hot, angry tears from my face, I ignored the shouting behind me.

"Wait! Mein birdie!"

"Mon deui! Birdie!"

I glanced back when I heard screaming, and saw that the wicked flowers had found two new ragdolls. Watching as the Rabbit and Cat both began enduring the treatment I had, I accidently locked eyes with familiar indigo ones. Quickly looking away from the pitying gaze of the sunflower, I stormed off, ignoring the chant of the merciless flowers.

"Weeds! Weeds! More weeds!"

My anger slipping away into sadness, I fought to control my waterworks. I couldn't show up to the Hatter's Grove crying now, could I? Glancing down at my partially destroyed attire, I figured crying was the least of my worries. Soon the yells and curses faded away as I kept walking, but I uttered a silent whine.

I knew my underwear wouldn't last...

* * *

Finally another chapter! :) Sorry to keep you all waiting but here it is! Mwahaha I keep you in suspense! The Hatter's identity is kept secret until the next chapter! ((Which might take a while ^^;))

**Clarifications:**

**Sunflower- Ukraine**

**Blue Flower- Seychelles**

**Pink Flower- Taiwan**

**Random Girl- Random**

**Waterworks- Tears**

**'Mein Birdie'- 'My birdie'**

**'Mon deui'- 'My God'**

**"I knew my underwear wouldn't last..."- Mattie's underwear was also turn off while he was being thrown /giggle**

I was so mean to Mattie in this chap...oh well! :D See ya next time!

-Empress ((No more AwesomeEmpress until I get my shit together :V))


	5. Mad Hatter, Doormat Mouse and March Hare

I stumbled through large pink colored shrubs, trying my hardest to get past the pesky plants without having my dress shred anymore than it already was. I has lost track of how much time I had spent, endlessly walking around in the seemingly empty forest.

The sun was still high in the sky however, even though it had seemed like hours had passed since I had stormed away from the cruel flowers. I was a sweating mess, but I was thankful that the sun was still out. It was eerily quiet, and I was already creeped out my the desolate area.

Finally getting past the stubborn bush, I took a careful step forward, only to have a trap unleash itself upon me.

A net made out of knotted vines wrapped itself around me and hauled me up, leaving me hanging trapped on a branch of a nearby tree. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears, but I managed to hear rustling in a some nearby bushes. My heart, now too scared to beat properly, leapt up in my throat, as I waited in suspense for my captor to relieve themselves.

A few seconds passed and nothing happened, making me relax in the slightest. Minutes passed and I relaxed completely, thinking it was safe. Big mistake.

My captor sprung out from the bushes and threw a small knife in my direction. I squeezed my eyes shut, but instead of feeling a stabbing pain, I felt the world shift and I found myself on the ground with a sore butt. These people just love throwing me around, huh?

I looked up from my position on the ground to see a figure hovering over me, a skillet held up over their head. The person were chuckling evilly, the large hat she was wearing cast a shadow over her face so I couldn't see her features.

Wait! Her?!

"W-wait!" I finally squeaked just as the skillet came down. It stopped right in front of my face, and I realized how very lucky I was. A skillet in the face would have hurt real bad eh!

The skillet was dropped and the woman dropped to her knees in front of me. She was pretty with her long brown locks, and emerald eyes, but she wore a green suit of a man! She leaned forward and grasped my face with her gloved hands, a worried expression on her face.

"Oh my! I do apologize! I thought you were someone else!" She explained, inspecting my face. Heat rushed to my face at the close proximity between us, and I hurriedly tried to assure her of my wellbeing.

"I-I'm alright! Really eh!" I stammered. Releasing a breath of relief when she finally let go of my face, she stood up and offered me her hand. Now on my feet, I noticed she and I were practically the same height.

_How embarrassing eh! I'm suppose to be a man!_

Shaking away my pesky thoughts, I looked toward the woman as she picked up her skillet. She looked so nice, I had almost forgotten she was the one who placed that trap in the first place. Not to mention the fact she nearly pummeled me into oblivion with that skillet of hers. With a start I realized she was speaking to me and flushed. The last thing I needed was for her to go all crazy on me and unleash that skillet of hers!

"The proper term is '_mad_', and don't worry, I won't be unleashing my skillet on you anytime soon Birdie." She said with a smirk.

I could feel my face turn beet red at her words, ashamed I had been thinking out loud. I sensed no malice behind her words however, and smiled sheepishly at her.

"I'm sorry."

"No need." She replied with a smile. I couldn't help but smile back, grateful for some sane company. Suddenly, a look of shock plastered on the young woman's face, and she reached into her pocket, whipping out a small circular watch.

"Oh dear!" She exclaimed, sticking the watch into her pocket, grabbing my wrist, and taking off running. I stumbled along behind her, trying to keep up.

"W-what's going on?!" I shouted at her, hoping she would hear me over the wind.

"We're almost late for tea!"

Finally, we ran out to a clearing in the forest. Once she let me go, I hunched over and grabbing my knees for support as I gasped for air. I had never really been much of an athletic person...

A series of whistling kettles made me snap my head up to gaze at a very long table. The woman who had dragged me here was sitting at the head, with two other men on either side of her. Finally catching my breath, I noticed her motioning me to take a seat, and awkwardly shuffled over.

Sitting at the other end of the table, I sat down and began my interrogation.

"Who are you? Where are we? Why did you trap me? Who are you trying to trap? And most importantly-"

Abruptly standing and cutting me off, she pointed to her left at a dark haired man with glasses. Upon closer expection, I realized he had two grey ears popping from the top of his head, a thin black tail. He was quietly sipping tea when he looked up to meet my gaze, adjusting his glasses ever so slightly.

"This is the Doormat Mouse." She said with loving affection. The Mouse only nodded in my direction before going back to his tea.

Motioning to her right now, she introduced a buff blonde that had two long, fluffy ears downcast. He too only nodded in my direction, his icy blue eyes greatly intimidating me.

"This is the March Hare. Don't let him intimidate you, he's really a big softie!" She assured, grinning at the Hare as he turned to glare at her. Focusing her attention on me, she climbed on top of the table.

"And I of course, am the Mad Hatter! Welcome to my little tea party!" She announced loudly, ignoring the looks the two men were giving her.

"Um, wouldn't it be Hattress?" I asked, missing the way the Mouse and the Hare whipped their gazes to me, shocked.

The emerald eyed woman look towards me, head cocked to the side in confusion, "What ever do you mean?" She asked, climbing off the table.

"Well, Hatter would be a man, and since you're a woman, I believe the term HATTRESS, would be better suited." I said, feeling a bit sophisticated at my reasoning.

"Are you saying I'm a man?" She asked silently.

It became eerily quiet once again as the Mad Hatter looked down at her feet, her hair covering her face. The Doormat Mouse hurriedly stood up and stepped away from the shaking woman, while the March Hare hopped his way over to me, picked me up, and hopped away.

It was silent for another few tense seconds until, like an explosion, the Hatter screamed and flipped the long table over in her anger.

"I AM A WOMAN!"

I clung to the stoic March Hare in fear, realizing that she lived up to her name.

_SHE REALLY IS MAD EH!_

For a while after that, the only sound that could be heared was of her harsh panting as she calmed down. The Doormat Mouse took this opportunity to slide next to her and offer her a pat on the back.

"Now, now Hatter. We all know you're a woman. You know how Birdie is, always joking. The guests will arrive for tea any minute now and it would be a shame to keep them waiting. We cannot be late for tea, you should know!" He cooed warmly.

"Okay!" She exclaimed, all traces of her earlier anger gone. She straighted her posture and snapped her fingers, a wide grin on her face.

With a _POOF_, the table was once again standing upright, and all the dishes that were broken, melted together to form new ones. I was still holding on tightly to the March Hare as he hopped me back to my seat.

Placing me down gently on the chair, his gaze softened a little as he saw me trembling, but it quickly hardened once again.

"What did I just..." I trailed off, trying to process what I had just seen. There goes my supposed 'sane company'.

"It would be best if you didn't know." He answered, and made his way to his own place at the table.

A loud ringing errupted and caught my attention. As quickly as it had started, it stopped and the whole place came alive. From the surrounding forest I saw the Tweedle Twins, the Caterpillar, the White Rabbit, and others come out.

They all took a seat aroung the table, idly chatting amongst themselves. All had warm grins on their faces, even the Carpentar! I made sure not to make eye contact with him though. No matter how happy he seemed, he could still attack at any given moment!

Looking aroung the table, I saw the Tweedle Twins. One of them -I forgot who was who- was clinging onto a blushing March Hare, and the other bashing a plate over a tanned man's head.

Shaking my head at the two, I noticed idly at the Chesire Cat was no where to be found. Wasn't he with the White Rabbit?

Speaking of the White Rabbit, where in the maple is he?

"Hey Birdie!" A voice whispered loudly from below.

I jumped, and quickly looked around the table to make sure nobody was looking before ducking my head under the table. Lo and behold, there was the white devil himself. Bending awkwardly to avoid hitting himself as he was too big to be hiding under a table, he grinned at me and waved enthusiastically.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hold back my smile. I was still pretty annoyed at him for chasing me around the whole day, but I couldn't help but feel a bit touched that he was so adamant in gaining my attention. He's always been such a sweetheart...

Wait.

ALWAYS?!

I shook my head to clear my lovesick thoughts, and sent the White Rabbit a glare, to which he pouted at. Straightening myself up, I reached for my cup. My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't really eaten anything. What with all the confusion and running away, it had completely slipped my mind just how hungry I was.

However, before I could reach over and snatch a piece of cake from the many treats the Hatter had been so kind to share, I felt something slither up my legs and onto my thighs. I squeaked a bit, and tried to kick, but the attacker had a firm grip on me. Making sure nobody was looking my way, I snapped my head down and there was the white-haired devil himself!

...In between my thighs.

Heat exploded in my cheeks as I tried to shut my legs, but he was hellbent on keeping them open. He flashed me a smirk before he began sliding his hand under my dress. I immediately froze, and just my luck, the Hatter turned my way to see my flushed face.

"Dear, are you okay?" She asked, making half the table turn and give their full attention to me.

I heard the White Rabbit give out a strange laugh as he found out that I had been forced to go commando. I fumbled with my words as he grabbed a hold of my arousal.

"Ah, um...I-I'm..fah..fine.." I replied, trying my hardest to keep my composure.

The Hatter looked less than convinced, and seemed to have a vague idea of what was going on. Embarassed, I went to give another kick to the White Rabbit, until I felt his hot breath hit my unmentionables. My hands dropped the piece of cake I was holding, and shot out under the table to in an attempt to keep his head away from my privates.

"I don't think you are, Birdie." She stated, with a brow raised.

The Hatter once again descended upon the table and began to walk towards me, eyes narrowed. At this point, I began panicking. The White Rabbit had his head in between my thighs and trying his hardest to give me a blowjob. I don't think the Hatter would like that very much, so in a fit of fright I shouted something completely off topic.

"Where's the Chesire Cat?!" I yelled.

Suddenly, the Chesire Cat just happened to mysteriously appear from thin air. He landed gracefully beside me, in all his naked glory. The Doormat Mouse turned at that moment, his chocolate eyes landing on the flirtatious cat.

Then it happened.

The Doormat Mouse gave a shrill scream and seemed to have exploded with a _POOF!_ Once the dust disappeared however, a small brown mouse had taken his place. The Chesire Cat's eyes dilated and he bellowed a cat-like noise before he too, jumped onto the table. And the chase gave way.

With that chaos was unleashed.

The two scurried all over the table, smashing the silverware and making a mess of the sweets. The Mad Hatter started chasing after the Chesire Cat, armed with her trusty skillet, and spouting profanities left and right. Everyone seemed to start yelling amongst themselves too, and at one point, the Carpentar flipped over the table to prove a point.

I hurriedly sprung up from my chair at that point, my arousal long gone. The White Rabbit was still on the ground, pouting for all his worth. I was about to go talk to him until the Tweedle Twins decided it would be fun to start throwing the remaining plates and cups. And everyone thought that too because soon they joined too.

Let me remind you that the plates and cups were made of GLASS.

After ducking and narrowly missing a teapot that was thrown at me, I decided that it was every man for himself. White Rabbit be damned. So taking refuge under an overturned chair, I waited for all this madness to end.

It didn't take long.

Another loud _POOF!_ caught the attention of everyone, and we all turned to the cause of the sound. There amidst the rubble, stood a tall individual that looked strikingly familiar. With a gasp, I realized he looked almost exactly like me. Except he blue eyes as opposed to my violet ones, was taller than me, and was in way better shape. Not to mention he had two dog-like ears atop his head. The stranger took a look around at the mess and gave a low whistle.

"Damn, looks like I missed the party."

* * *

I did it! I actually updated this story! I am sooooo sorry it took so **fucking **long! But now it's here, so love it, enjoy it. Review/Favorite/Follow if you wish!

I had this horrible throat infection, my case of dysmorphophobia is getting worse, and I might have glycoma(?). It's really fun being me. But I'm back, and I am alive. ((_Also I'm on summer vacation so I have a bit of free time.))_

Oh! Before I forget, Kuro-Riya made a thing for me! And it's beautiful! Check out their fanart on

notto- jisu -shitto -agen. tumblr image/ 52940580852

just get rid of the spaces and done! Anyways thanks so much for waiting, I hope ya liked it!

-Empress


	6. Mad Hatter, Doormat Mouse, & March Hare

I stumbled through large pink colored shrubs, trying my hardest to get past the pesky plants without having my dress shred anymore than it already was. I has lost track of how much time I had spent, endlessly walking around in the seemingly empty forest.

The sun was still high in the sky however, even though it had seemed like hours had passed since I had stormed away from the cruel flowers. I was a sweating mess, but I was thankful that the sun was still out. It was eerily quiet, and I was already creeped out my the desolate area.

Finally getting past the stubborn bush, I took a careful step forward, only to have a trap unleash itself upon me.

A net made out of knotted vines wrapped itself around me and hauled me up, leaving me hanging trapped on a branch of a nearby tree. My heart was pounding loudly in my ears, but I managed to hear rustling in a some nearby bushes. My heart, now too scared to beat properly, leapt up in my throat, as I waited in suspense for my captor to relieve themselves.

A few seconds passed and nothing happened, making me relax in the slightest. Minutes passed and I relaxed completely, thinking it was safe. Big mistake.

My captor sprung out from the bushes and threw a small knife in my direction. I squeezed my eyes shut, but instead of feeling a stabbing pain, I felt the world shift and I found myself on the ground with a sore butt. These people just love throwing me around, huh?

I looked up from my position on the ground to see a figure hovering over me, a skillet held up over their head. The person were chuckling evilly, the large hat she was wearing cast a shadow over her face so I couldn't see her features.

Wait! Her?!

"W-wait!" I finally squeaked just as the skillet came down. It stopped right in front of my face, and I realized how very lucky I was. A skillet in the face would have hurt real bad eh!

The skillet was dropped and the woman dropped to her knees in front of me. She was pretty with her long brown locks, and emerald eyes, but she wore a green suit of a man! She leaned forward and grasped my face with her gloved hands, a worried expression on her face.

"Oh my! I do apologize! I thought you were someone else!" She explained, inspecting my face. Heat rushed to my face at the close proximity between us, and I hurriedly tried to assure her of my wellbeing.

"I-I'm alright! Really eh!" I stammered. Releasing a breath of relief when she finally let go of my face, she stood up and offered me her hand. Now on my feet, I noticed she and I were practically the same height.

_How embarrassing eh! I'm suppose to be a man!_

Shaking away my pesky thoughts, I looked toward the woman as she picked up her skillet. She looked so nice, I had almost forgotten she was the one who placed that trap in the first place. Not to mention the fact she nearly pummeled me into oblivion with that skillet of hers. With a start I realized she was speaking to me and flushed. The last thing I needed was for her to go all crazy on me and unleash that skillet of hers!

"The proper term is '_mad_', and don't worry, I won't be unleashing my skillet on you anytime soon Birdie." She said with a smirk.

I could feel my face turn beet red at her words, ashamed I had been thinking out loud. I sensed no malice behind her words however, and smiled sheepishly at her.

"I'm sorry."

"No need." She replied with a smile. I couldn't help but smile back, grateful for some sane company. Suddenly, a look of shock plastered on the young woman's face, and she reached into her pocket, whipping out a small circular watch.

"Oh dear!" She exclaimed, sticking the watch into her pocket, grabbing my wrist, and taking off running. I stumbled along behind her, trying to keep up.

"W-what's going on?!" I shouted at her, hoping she would hear me over the wind.

"We're almost late for tea!"

Finally, we ran out to a clearing in the forest. Once she let me go, I hunched over and grabbing my knees for support as I gasped for air. I had never really been much of an athletic person...

A series of whistling kettles made me snap my head up to gaze at a very long table. The woman who had dragged me here was sitting at the head, with two other men on either side of her. Finally catching my breath, I noticed her motioning me to take a seat, and awkwardly shuffled over.

Sitting at the other end of the table, I sat down and began my interrogation.

"Who are you? Where are we? Why did you trap me? Who are you trying to trap? And most importantly-"

Abruptly standing and cutting me off, she pointed to her left at a dark haired man with glasses. Upon closer expection, I realized he had two grey ears popping from the top of his head, a thin black tail. He was quietly sipping tea when he looked up to meet my gaze, adjusting his glasses ever so slightly.

"This is the Doormat Mouse." She said with loving affection. The Mouse only nodded in my direction before going back to his tea.

Motioning to her right now, she introduced a buff blonde that had two long, fluffy ears downcast. He too only nodded in my direction, his icy blue eyes greatly intimidating me.

"This is the March Hare. Don't let him intimidate you, he's really a big softie!" She assured, grinning at the Hare as he turned to glare at her. Focusing her attention on me, she climbed on top of the table.

"And I of course, am the Mad Hatter! Welcome to my little tea party!" She announced loudly, ignoring the looks the two men were giving her.

"Um, wouldn't it be Hattress?" I asked, missing the way the Mouse and the Hare whipped their gazes to me, shocked.

The emerald eyed woman look towards me, head cocked to the side in confusion, "What ever do you mean?" She asked, climbing off the table.

"Well, Hatter would be a man, and since you're a woman, I believe the term HATTRESS, would be better suited." I said, feeling a bit sophisticated at my reasoning.

"Are you saying I'm a man?" She asked silently.

It became eerily quiet once again as the Mad Hatter looked down at her feet, her hair covering her face. The Doormat Mouse hurriedly stood up and stepped away from the shaking woman, while the March Hare hopped his way over to me, picked me up, and hopped away.

It was silent for another few tense seconds until, like an explosion, the Hatter screamed and flipped the long table over in her anger.

"I AM A WOMAN!"

I clung to the stoic March Hare in fear, realizing that she lived up to her name.

_SHE REALLY IS MAD EH!_

For a while after that, the only sound that could be heared was of her harsh panting as she calmed down. The Doormat Mouse took this opportunity to slide next to her and offer her a pat on the back.

"Now, now Hatter. We all know you're a woman. You know how Birdie is, always joking. The guests will arrive for tea any minute now and it would be a shame to keep them waiting. We cannot be late for tea, you should know!" He cooed warmly.

"Okay!" She exclaimed, all traces of her earlier anger gone. She straighted her posture and snapped her fingers, a wide grin on her face.

With a _POOF_, the table was once again standing upright, and all the dishes that were broken, melted together to form new ones. I was still holding on tightly to the March Hare as he hopped me back to my seat.

Placing me down gently on the chair, his gaze softened a little as he saw me trembling, but it quickly hardened once again.

"What did I just..." I trailed off, trying to process what I had just seen. There goes my supposed 'sane company'.

"It would be best if you didn't know." He answered, and made his way to his own place at the table.

A loud ringing errupted and caught my attention. As quickly as it had started, it stopped and the whole place came alive. From the surrounding forest I saw the Tweedle Twins, the Caterpillar, the White Rabbit, and others come out.

They all took a seat aroung the table, idly chatting amongst themselves. All had warm grins on their faces, even the Carpentar! I made sure not to make eye contact with him though. No matter how happy he seemed, he could still attack at any given moment!

Looking aroung the table, I saw the Tweedle Twins. One of them -I forgot who was who- was clinging onto a blushing March Hare, and the other bashing a plate over a tanned man's head.

Shaking my head at the two, I noticed idly at the Chesire Cat was no where to be found. Wasn't he with the White Rabbit?

Speaking of the White Rabbit, where in the maple is he?

"Hey Birdie!" A voice whispered loudly from below.

I jumped, and quickly looked around the table to make sure nobody was looking before ducking my head under the table. Lo and behold, there was the white devil himself. Bending awkwardly to avoid hitting himself as he was too big to be hiding under a table, he grinned at me and waved enthusiastically.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hold back my smile. I was still pretty annoyed at him for chasing me around the whole day, but I couldn't help but feel a bit touched that he was so adamant in gaining my attention. He's always been such a sweetheart...

Wait.

ALWAYS?!

I shook my head to clear my lovesick thoughts, and sent the White Rabbit a glare, to which he pouted at. Straightening myself up, I reached for my cup. My stomach growled and I realized I hadn't really eaten anything. What with all the confusion and running away, it had completely slipped my mind just how hungry I was.

However, before I could reach over and snatch a piece of cake from the many treats the Hatter had been so kind to share, I felt something slither up my legs and onto my thighs. I squeaked a bit, and tried to kick, but the attacker had a firm grip on me. Making sure nobody was looking my way, I snapped my head down and there was the white-haired devil himself!

...In between my thighs.

Heat exploded in my cheeks as I tried to shut my legs, but he was hellbent on keeping them open. He flashed me a smirk before he began sliding his hand under my dress. I immediately froze, and just my luck, the Hatter turned my way to see my flushed face.

"Dear, are you okay?" She asked, making half the table turn and give their full attention to me.

I heard the White Rabbit give out a strange laugh as he found out that I had been forced to go commando. I fumbled with my words as he grabbed a hold of my arousal.

"Ah, um...I-I'm..fah..fine.." I replied, trying my hardest to keep my composure.

The Hatter looked less than convinced, and seemed to have a vague idea of what was going on. Embarassed, I went to give another kick to the White Rabbit, until I felt his hot breath hit my unmentionables. My hands dropped the piece of cake I was holding, and shot out under the table to in an attempt to keep his head away from my privates.

"I don't think you are, Birdie." She stated, with a brow raised.

The Hatter once again descended upon the table and began to walk towards me, eyes narrowed. At this point, I began panicking. The White Rabbit had his head in between my thighs and trying his hardest to give me a blowjob. I don't think the Hatter would like that very much, so in a fit of fright I shouted something completely off topic.

"Where's the Chesire Cat?!" I yelled.

Suddenly, the Chesire Cat just happened to mysteriously appear from thin air. He landed gracefully beside me, in all his naked glory. The Doormat Mouse turned at that moment, his chocolate eyes landing on the flirtatious cat.

Then it happened.

The Doormat Mouse gave a shrill scream and seemed to have exploded with a _POOF!_ Once the dust disappeared however, a small brown mouse had taken his place. The Chesire Cat's eyes dilated and he bellowed a cat-like noise before he too, jumped onto the table. And the chase gave way.

With that chaos was unleashed.

The two scurried all over the table, smashing the silverware and making a mess of the sweets. The Mad Hatter started chasing after the Chesire Cat, armed with her trusty skillet, and spouting profanities left and right. Everyone seemed to start yelling amongst themselves too, and at one point, the Carpentar flipped over the table to prove a point.

I hurriedly sprung up from my chair at that point, my arousal long gone. The White Rabbit was still on the ground, pouting for all his worth. I was about to go talk to him until the Tweedle Twins decided it would be fun to start throwing the remaining plates and cups. And everyone thought that too because soon they joined too.

Let me remind you that the plates and cups were made of GLASS.

After ducking and narrowly missing a teapot that was thrown at me, I decided that it was every man for himself. White Rabbit be damned. So taking refuge under an overturned chair, I waited for all this madness to end.

It didn't take long.

Another loud _POOF!_ caught the attention of everyone, and we all turned to the cause of the sound. There amidst the rubble, stood a tall individual that looked strikingly familiar. With a gasp, I realized he looked almost exactly like me. Except he blue eyes as opposed to my violet ones, was taller than me, and was in way better shape. Not to mention he had two dog-like ears atop his head. The stranger took a look around at the mess and gave a low whistle.

"Damn, looks like I missed the party."

* * *

**Characters:**

Mad Hatter - Hungary

Doormat Mouse - Austria

March Hare - Germany

Caterpillar - Cuba

Carpentar - Russia

Tweedle Twins - North & South Italy

I did it! I actually updated this story! I am sooooo sorry it took so **fucking **long! But now it's here, so love it, enjoy it. Review/Favorite/Follow if you wish!

I had this horrible throat infection, my case of dysmorphophobia is getting worse, and I might have glycoma(?). It's really fun being me. But I'm back, and I am alive. ((_Also I'm on summer vacation so I have a bit of free time.))_

Oh! Before I forget, Kuro-Riya made a thing for me! And it's beautiful! Check out their fanart on

notto- jisu -shitto -agen. tumblr image/ 52940580852

just get rid of the spaces and done! Anyways thanks so much for waiting, I hope ya liked it!

-Empress


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